Along with design thinking, this year I’m leaning into stories and storytelling as a way to understand and explore transitions and transformations, changes and uncertainty. In our midlife groups, we will be looking at the stories of our journey through menopause and midlife, our cultural narratives and internalized stories, and the stories that inform, support, connect, and guide us on this journey. Writing and hearing stories can help us find meaning and connection as we author this transitional time.
(Author: cause to grow; originator/creator/founder, bring something into being; authority~ a source of truth and power).
Centuries of patriarchy rooted in European culture continue to shape our belief about our place in the world. In midlife, woman are steeped in a story that says we are entering a time of loss and decline, when social value and worth are diminishing, peak experiences and valuable contributions are largely in the past, and youthfulness is the only measure of beauty, worth, and value.
Having come through a difficult and turbulent menopausal transition in my 50’s, I’ve been surprised to come out on the other side feeling pretty great and with a deeper sense of connection and belonging to myself and the world. The dominant story of a downward spiral associated with midlife, menopause, and aging, doesn’t reflect the reality for many of us. I’ve been curious about stories that reject the patriarchal lens while I’ve been exploring these questions:
What if rather than decline, midlife and menopause offer a portal for transformation toward a cycle of greater wholeness, authenticity, sovereignty, meaning, and deep belonging?
What if the challenges and suffering we experience in midlife and menopause lead to the insight, awareness, depth, and empathy we need to flourish in the second half of life?
James Hollis, a Jungian psychoanalyst, offers a valuable perspective and lens for understanding our journey through midlife. He says that the question that occupies us in the first half of life is, ‘what does the world want from me?’ This is a time of adapting to the demands of the world and fulfilling the expectations of others. We develop what Hollis calls a ‘provisional sense of self’ in response to fulfilling these expectations ~ a temporary, social identity shaped by external expectations, family dynamics, trauma, and conditioning.
While our attention during the first half of life is social, the questions of the second half of life are spiritual, addressing the larger issue of meaning. The questions that occupy us are, ‘what is the soul asking of me; what is wishing for expression in the world through me; what does it mean that I am here?’ Occupying these questions becomes the work of midlife and our response to them can bring us greater meaning, wholeness, connection, and purpose.
Our midlife and menopausal transition is a challenging journey through an uncharted and liminal landscape. We are journeying from a place of familiarity to the uncertainty and unknown of the second half of life. We are called upon to find what is true for us, and to listen to what our suffering and discomfort are telling us. We are asked to turn toward stillness and reflection, and learn from the shadows ~ in our dreams, overwhelm and uncertainty, sleeplessness, loss, anger, fear, and disappointment. As we learn from and trust what we find in the shadows, we are offered guidance, awareness, light, and hope.
I wish you could see the beauty your spirit is right now making of your pain. ~ Andrea Gibson
The gift of this transformational journey is that we expand to create a welcome and hopeful space for both lightness and dark ~ the world needs this, and we need it to flourish and truly show up for the second half of life. I believe that our midlife and menopausal transition is not the beginning of a cycle of loss and decline, as patriarchy would have us believe, but rather an expansive transformation toward a deep and authentic belonging to ourselves and the world. It is a story of alchemy.
