“The future is completely open and we are writing it moment to moment.“ (Pema Chodron)
What do you do when you need to make a difficult job, career, or other life decision? For many of us, decision making can cause stress and confusion. We might not have a clear understanding of what works best for us when making decisions, or how to make decisions well. In life design, we become aware of our own choosing and discernment process, what works well for us, and how we can hone this skill. Understanding the decision-making process can help you improve your ability to make decisions well.
These four key steps have been found to support decision-making, even difficult and complex ones. Reflect on how you currently approach decision making, and which of these steps you find easiest and hardest and why.
1. Creating alternatives
“When it comes to idea generation, quantity is the most predictable path to quality.” (Adam Grant)
The first step involves gathering and creating alternatives. The mindset associated with this step is curious and open to opportunities and ideas. When gathering and creating alternatives you might make mind maps, brainstorm on your own or with a group of friends or colleagues, research your area of interest, and let people know you are seeking ideas and suggestions.
2. Narrowing
Once you have generated ample ideas, the second step is to narrow down your options. Having too many choices can lead to choice overload which is as difficult as having no choices at all, so evaluate your options and narrow down to just a few. Keep in mind that there is no ‘right’ choice, and that you can be equally happy with several different options.
When narrowing your alternatives, reflect on the core and enduring values. These can be used as a guide to building coherence between what you believe, who you are, and what you do, which will contribute to a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life. Another way to narrow your alternatives is to write them as a list, and then simply begin crossing them out until there are only two or three options left. You will likely feel that some are easier to eliminate, some more difficult, and some impossible.
3. Choosing
The third step is to choose. This may be fairly straightforward, but if you have several equally appealing options, the decision can be more difficult. When you have two or more options that are equal, you can create your own reasons for choosing one alternative over another. How could you make one of your options the best choice for you right now? How can you ‘get behind’ one of your choices?
Keep in mind that we have multiple ways of knowing, including cognitive (thinking), affective (feeling, intuiting), social (connecting), and kinesthetic (physically). You can improve your discernment by strengthening and using all of these sources of information and insight. To strengthen your ‘choosing’ skills, you can also apply principles from neuroscience. Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you to quiet the external voices and tune into your own wisdom and insight.
*For more on making a decision between two equivalent options, check out Ruth Chang, ‘How to make hard decisions’
4. Being happy with your decision
Choosing to be happy with your decisions is surprisingly effective. Keeping in mind that you can be equally happy with several different versions of your life, practice getting fully behind the choice you make and commit to being ‘for’ whatever you have chosen. We tend to be less happy with reversible conditions, so make your decision irreversible for a period of time. Wondering whether you made the right decision once it’s made contributes to feeling less happy generally. Focus on the reasons that your decision is a good one, and avoid agonizing about whether you made the right choice.
Keep in mind that the quality of a decision may not reflect the quality of the outcome. Be compassionate to yourself if you made a decision well, but the outcome wasn’t what you had hoped it would be. Iterate and move on.
*For more on being happy with your decision, check out Dan Gilbert, ‘The surprising science of happiness’.
Reflections
What decision making steps are easiest for you - cognitive, affective/emotional, social, or kinesthetic? Most difficult? Why?
When you have made good decisions in your life, how did you do it? What ways of knowing did you rely on? What made it a good decision?
The ideas, strategies, and tools of Life Design make it an excellent framework for making difficult job, career, or other life decisions! Please feel free to arrange a 15 minute free phone consultation to find out if Life Design is a good fit for you!
